Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Discover your passions!

I was sitting in bed talking with Rory talking about some pretty emotional things and just began "vomiting" everything I was thinking and feeling.  I know my poor husband was trying so desperately to keep up, but how could he? He is not me and therefore he does not think like me. I became a little frustrated because I was having such strong feelings and I just couldn't understand why he couldn't feel them too. Then it hit me! That is why I write! I remember having similar frustration with my mission companions because they just didn't get it. I began to write to express those feelings and ideas and I found it so incredibly satisfying. I was so happy because I could let it all go on paper and I didn't have to carry around emotional weight anymore. I would write deep, powerful, truthful things and in return I would feel reconciled with my true self. I felt so validated! What a discovery to learn I didn't need another person to "get it" to feel validated. That is what I think makes writing so satisfying. We all have this need to express ourselves. We need to get it out somehow. Some of us love expressing vocally (me), but then find that some of the people we share with don't seem to care as much as we do and that can leave you feeling a little bit empty. Sometimes it's like the bible says "We have cast our pearls before the swine." I am so incredibly grateful for that little reminder over the weekend. I know writing will bring me so much peace and hopefully I can inspire some of you reading this to find your passion or find it again if you have wandered away from it. Maybe it's writing or maybe it's something else... Feel free to share, I would love to know what makes you tick :)
Well, here I am with my own blog.  I have been wanting to do this for such a long time, I just didn’t know what I wanted to blog about. Until one day it came to me… My husband!
Now I know what you are all thinking “this is going to be so sappy” or “TMI” (too much info), but it’s not like that. I have been pondering and praying about a way to gain a deeper connection to my husband and this is what I came up with. I truly believe, just like the title of my post says, the highest form of love is understanding. In this blog I am not going to write about what I have learned about Rory, but what I have learned FROM Rory. This way I can gain a better understanding of myself which will in turn give me a better understanding of him
I have been thinking a lot about the phrase “my other half”. I absolutely feel this way about my husband. When I allow myself to learn from him I learn soooo much. So if our spouse or partner is truly our other half than you are not whole until you can incorporate their half with yours right? Why is it we tend (me especially) to shut down their other half and try to make it into our “half”. Than we still are not whole. It’s like trying to make to right sides or two left sides fit together, they just layer on top of each other. (I wish I had a diagram to explain this better, maybe I will find one later.)
So with this in mind to achieve more “wholeness” or “balance” in myself as well as my marriage I am going to post what I have learned about myself, from my husband.  Does this make sense? Again this is my first blog so it might be a little messy. If anything it will help me focus on actively looking for what he can teach me, NOT what I can teach him. I believe the best teachers teach to be taught. There are a few Japanese proverbs that come to mind. “To teach is to learn” or “the mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.”
Now, I can think of several things I have learned from Rory in our almost 11 months of marriage. However, I am sure I will learn them again so I will pick one. For today I will share that I have learned that I am not the best “pourer” let me explain. There are “holders” and there are “pourers” and there are those lucky ones that do both very well. When someone offers love and service to someone they are “pouring” it is now the recipients responsibility to be a “holder” Now there are those that are very good at one, but not so good at the other. (You know who you are… ha ha) I have discovered that Rory is an excellent “pourer” and I am an excellent holder. Now I want to become an excellent pourer. This can present a bit of a problem for those who aren’t excellent holders. I have felt like with people I knew that had a hard time holding  I had to almost force their hands into place and make sure the stayed together so they could hold all of the love I poured right? WRONG! This is so importantIt is the pourer’s responsibility to pour and the holder’s responsibility to hold. We are encouraged to be both… I repeat we are encouraged to be both. If I attempted to pour and it was not held because there was a “leak’ than that is not my fault. I am still exercising my pouring abilities. This has been a wonderful realization for me and I hope it has encouraged you to work on your “pouring” and “holding’ skills.