Saturday, November 16, 2013

A summary of what I have learned so far....

So remember the time when you and your spouse are on the couch in marriage therapy and your therapist goes on and on about how your spouse needs to change and you are thinking, "I sure hope they are listening to this." Well this happened in a majority of my sessions. Until that one day I realized that most of those "lectures" were in fact for ME. This realization was the beginning of a road to a relationship I didn't think was possible. 

I know it sounds cliche, but your spouse is most definitely a mirror. A mirror that will stare back at you for eternity. For some this is a frightening thought, for me it was. How could I keep running away from who my Heavenly Father wanted me to be with my own personal mirror showing me where I need to step it up, EVERYDAY. For about the first two years I would say I did everything I could to not look into that mirror. It seemed the least painful decision. However, as many have found out running away from yourself catches up to you and when it does it is one of the most painful experiences one can experience. 

How did I make the pain stop? I finally came to the conclusion that I would either need to stop running and take a real good look in that mirror, or remain in the worst gall of bitterness I had ever experienced.

I am not going to pretend that it wasn't even more painful taking a good look, it was almost unbearable. However, I have never felt so ME! I have never had so much peace and contentment in my life. My relationship with my husband has never been stronger and the best part is I have no more reason to run! I have discovered a woman with flaws yes, but I have also uncovered a woman with incredible strength and character. I have discovered a woman with potential that it seemed everyone else had but her. My husband often says the words I desperately wanted to hear during our first two years of marriage, "I am so proud of you." 

Yes, it seems easy to refuse the mirror exists; however, in reality it is one of the worst mistakes that a couple can make in their relationship. If I can offer any advice to those feeling the way I did on that couch is this, look in the dang mirror!! Look your spouse square in the eyes and say I have weakness, I recognize it and I will take accountability for it. The lack of self awareness will in fact cause more pain than owning your short comings. My hope is that my experiences will instill hope in those that don't want to run anymore. That I can convince them that it will ALWAYS be more painful to run away from what Heavenly Father wants you to be. Heavenly Father gave us these "mirrors" for a very divine purpose. 

I am in a very reflective moment in my life so I will share more insights later, but this is what has been weighing on my mind lately.